Life Lessons

Musing on My First Year of Marriage

Happy Days Make for Sappy Bloggers

DH and I just celebrated our 1 year anniversary.  Our wedding was a hectic affair, pretty casual and the date was moved last minute, to accommodate my father flying in from the US and the Diwali public holiday that week.  It was a tiny court house ceremony, but Hubby's pastor came to bless the rings and our marriage, then we signed the paperwork and became officially married by Malaysia.  Afterwards we had a late lunch at our friends hotel, and it was all attended by immediate family only.  It was such a great day, I can see why people have big weddings, but the intimacy and whirlwind of our day was perfect for us.

We're a very photogenic couple

Then, oh boy, did we pack a lot into our first year of marriage.  Finding out I was pregnant came as quite a shock and a terrible first trimester brought out the hero in my husband and my mother in law. After things levelled off in my second trimester we traveled a bit, and then had a few issues at our rental, prompting us to move ONE MONTH before I gave birth! It was a hectic time, but everything went as smoothly as you could hope for.  After living on high alert since the doctor advised us the baby would be coming a month early (that's right, while we were in the process of moving!), we spent the next four and a half weeks waiting for our little arrival only to have him show up about a week after his due date.  Since then we've been navigating life as new parents with conflicting cultures on child rearing.

A cobra I found in front of our house named A Few Issues

So on my one year anniversary, what have I learned?

Advice is for Suckers!

Just kidding...well sort of.  As a fresh college grad, newly wed, pregnant lady, and first-time parent, this year was full of advice.  I'm pretty loud-mouthed and can come off as rash and rude at times, so that wards off a lot of the unwarranted advice, but still with big life events comes advice from all around.

As a human who has received and given my share of advice, here is my advice on advice....

You can read a million articles on how to behave; around kids, old people, new parents, sick people, special-needs people, friends, enemies, etc.  You can find great advice from etiquette books or Dear Jane letters in your local newspaper.  And you can hear peoples reaction to advice on social media, blogs, youtube, etc. This usually entails calling someone out on giving ridiculous, strange or just plain bad advice, in the opinion of the Receiver.

I used to L-O-V-E to give advice. I always felt that obviously as an outsider to your problems, I have a clear head and can give the best guidance to those problems.  After years of doing this, with absolutely the best intentions and watching perplexed as it was never followed, it finally dawned on me, that maybe even if I was asked, it didn't really matter, people are going to do what they want to regardless of what anyone says. Rather than give (what I feel is) practical advice, I tend to just commiserate with the friend and offer wine or a shoulder to cry on.  I find this tends to work much better.

As someone who loves to get outsider input, I've learned this over the past year.  Take it all in, you have no idea which of these verbal life-hacks will really come in handy later.  True, most advice will be useless, it won't work for you because the people you're dealing with don't respond the same way, or you disagree with the giver's reasoning.  In any case some advice will go right out the window, some will be dead-on perfect and will save you time, money or heartache in the long run, but mostly listening from people who are older, wiser, or see things from a different angle can help you better understand events and issues that are new to you.  This also helps strengthen bonds with family and friends just by caring enough to listen and understanding that they care enough about you to share.

Who's the Boss?

In today's world, with the access we have on the internet, we can find experts who have tested their theories scientifically and we can join groups of peers around the world who have already been through the trenches.  Now with the ease of research, why wouldn't we each go out and find a tailored solution to each issue that ails us?  Don't get me wrong, I do this myself, how am I going to parent my son, how to resolve issues with my husband, how to try and assimilate in my new home and culture, but don't lose site of those around you either.  They may have advice that goes against your views, seems extreme, ridiculous, or even hurtful but you never know what may make the most sense once you need it.

One thing to remember is if there are a lot of people in your life trying to butt in and give unwanted input, just take a moment and remind yourself, that means there are people out there who love you and want the best for you, even if they are terrible at showing it.

Remember, be at peace.

My Heart is Full

This last year has flown by, we went through so much it seems ridiculous that it was only a year and yet if feels like it's been much longer too.  My life isn't perfect but right now if feels pretty damn close (or as close as it can when you get vomited on daily). The biggest challenge is being so far away from family but going to them means leaving a great family here.  Being torn between two places reminds you to be grateful for what you have while you have it.

I understand that my advice may seem naive, but I guess I live in a particular situation that makes me appreciate anyone who takes the time and effort to hear about what's going on in my life.  Don't forget what a blessing that is, because what I can tell you for a fact is how lonely it gets without those people.

 Signing off with love,
Sarah G. and the Boys

Inspiration Has Run Dry

Please tell me you sang that title...if so, we can be friends


My baby made it out of surgery safe!

Well okay, my real baby did have surgery a few weeks ago, and he also came out safely, but today I am discussing my laptop.  Hard drive went belly up all the way back in JULY and it's been at the Apple store since late August and only now did we finally -begrudingingly- pay up for repairs.  Yes, my husband and I are rather cheap and will put anything frivolous off for as long as possible before we get sick of living without and then will finally pay.  (This obviously does not include food or traveling (I mean, duh) which is why we actually have to put stuff like this off because we're too busy spending our money on stupid shit.)

When Apple informed us it would be 500 ringgit to buy a new hard drive plus labor, my husband asked if we could purchase our own and bring it in. When they said we could, we started shopping.  Right off the bat we learned purchasing our own would be about 200 ringgit, but we continued to shop around for another month before settling. 180 was our final price and we put that off until the night before our trip to Penang to hand it over to the Apple store.  Way to save that sweet, sweet money.

After another five hours (!) we were finally able to pick up my trooper of a laptop.  Meanwhile we hiked the Adventure Trail off Waterfall Road, saw Pan, and ended with impatient beers at Berlin's Bier Houz.  Overall quite a nice trip to Penang, and my mother in law got to spend her holiday with her grandson.  Pretty good day for everyone.

Our Awal Muharram Holiday

So the reason we were able to go to Penang in the middle of the week, was for the Islamic New Year. Now Malaysian public holidays are a bit confusing to me, but in Penang this is still a working day.  In any case, my husband had the day off, but the Apple store was open so we took advantage of the overlap and spent our day on the island.

First we went to the hiking trail, my husband had recommended the park as a place he used to go a lot when he lived in Penang a million years ago (+ or - 250,000 years).  What I didn't know is he had meant just walk around the park.  I see a sign for an Adventure Trail and just go down that path, cuz I mean we were there for hiking, right?  And my husband follows without saying a word.  I should say that this is my first real attempt at exercising again since giving birth, other than walking a few laps around the neighbourhood or getting winded trying to do 10 minutes pilates videos on YouTube.

An hour later, after following my DH up the "stairs shortcut" versus the softer incline walking path, I finally give up.  Two older Chinese ladies who have been on our tail the whole time tell us, that in fact there is no waterfall oasis waiting at the top, and that we hadn't even made it to the first turn around yet, but if we want theres another, longer, trail after that.  Still trying to troop on (while watching these ladies casually stroll up the stairs) we come to yet another steep staircase carved into the side of the hill.  I had to give up, something I haven't really done before on a hiking trail.  I was so worried that coming down was going to be a nightmare, so I insisted we take the longer, safer path back down.  Which was great, in my humble opinion, because by the time we got back to the car I was feeling much better, and kind of regretted not pushing myself to go farther.  Next time I will  definitely take the longer path and make the entire (shorter) circuit.

I should also share, I didn't even realise that DH had never been on this trail before until we hit the monkeys near the bottom, in a panic, he left me behind and shot down the path ASAP.  Realising what he was up to, I yelled to him, are you afraid of the monkeys?  Haven't you been here before?  Didn't you know there'd be animals?  To which he responded, Yes, No, No, LOOK AT THAT BIG SCARY ONE!  But of course he stops to point out a baby monkey being carried by it's mother "Oh it's so cute!" he says, not realising he's facing down the most dangerous of any of the monkeys he's passed so far. Aren't husbands adorable?

One thing I love about Malaysia is all the characters you meet anywhere you go.  Several groups had one person carrying a speaker playing the radio, but one group of two men were listening to an old Dane Cook stand up routine on their way up.  I started laughing just hearing the comedians familiar voice.  So odd to hear on the opposite side of the world, while doing something I would never think to connect to comedy stand-up.  Another group of girls were all huddled around a camera on a tripod off the side of the trail.  Thinking they were taking photos of wild life, I tried to sneak a peek at what they were photographing, only to see that the camera was actually facing the trail and they had hiked up all that way with all this equipment just to take selfies.

All-in-all a great hike, even if I was absolutely, literally dripping sweat by the end of it.  I am sorry to everyone who had to smell my BO for the rest of the day, but I was quite happy.

After the exercise, we did the obvious, feed ourselves, of course!  DH took me to one of his favourite hawker stalls where we had Ban Mee, roasted pork, nasi lemak and kopi for breakfast.  DH also insisted on buying buns on our way out, and they had cinnamon rolls!  So he had his pork bun and I my delicious cinnamon roll (even if it did have raisins in it, still pretty good).

Only then was the store opening to drop off our hard disk, and after we headed to Queensbay.

After dropping off the hard disk and insisting to the sales lady that we did not live in Penang, so we needed the work done today, if possible, she agreed (no one ever believes that a white foreigner doesn't live in Penang, but she played along thankfully), we decided to just mosey on over to the mall, figuring that would give us enough things to do until the laptop was done.  After only an hour and a half we got so bored, we decided to catch a movie.  DH was excited for Pan and since we had already seen The Martian we grabbed the next showing.  Nice movie, not really my cup of tea but cute and the graphics were pretty good.  I was in and out of it after the hike, actually falling asleep a few times, haha, but I did wake up in time to catch a quote "Home isn't where you are from, it's where you make it"  Hubby and I looked at each other and made sappy "awwww" faces.

After the movie, we headed back the Apple store where the lady informed us they needed another hour to finish installing the operating system back onto my lappy.  So thus my long awaited visit to Berlin's!  I'm really more excited for that then is probably normal, but I was excited for some German cuisine...which ended up not happening, we just got a roasted pork appetiser, which was delicious, but lacked the bread and/or potatoes I had been craving.  However, the mustard dipping sauce more than made up for it, and the beer was actually pretty damn good, considering I usually like dark beers but threw a hail mary and went with lightest beer instead.

Afterwards we went back, picked up the laptop, and headed home, none too soon as the rain started to fall.


OMG, Sarah, does this story even have a point?

Well, no, I'm just telling you about my Penang trip, as my title said, inspiration was dry but I needed to post something since it's been so long and since WOOHOO I finally have my laptop back!!!!

Anyways, October is usually the Pinnacle of my year and now it also holds my wedding anniversary, so I am sure I will have more to post on in the weeks to come.  Please keep checking in, I adore attention.

P.S. I had the genius idea to leave my phone in the car most of the day, so it was up to the hubby to take pictures of everything....a screenshot that sums up how that turned out;